StripSlap Jack
by Koenta
Summary: What will happen when Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Barbossa and Commodore Norrington get together and plays strip-slap jack?
1. Part I

This was some pointless fun, yeah, I have no life at all ( Characters not mine, all own by the movie 'Pirates of the Caribbean." So no sueing. Well, pls R&R lmao. Well, theres actually no point to do that anyway. Anyways, here we go!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"One."  
  
"Two."  
  
"Three.."  
  
"Fo-u-r.."  
  
WAMPP!!!! All 5 of them slammed the card so hard that the small table almost tipped over.  
  
"Looks like its little Willy boy who's the slowest, again!" Teased Jack as he studied all the hands on the 4 of hearts. "You know what to do matey!"  
  
"You cheated! I saw you peaking at your card!" wined Will as he pull off his stockings and placing them on the side with other of his clothing, the scarf around his neck, his vest, and his shoes. There were only Will's clothing and none of the others. Will always sucks at Slap Jacks, especially strip-slap jack.  
  
"Pirate." sniggered Jack as he lean backs his chair.  
  
"Next time, next time.I won't be the one again!"  
  
"Stop your bluffing Mr. Turner. You said the same thing at the beginning of the game." Norrington finally opened his mouth and spoke, giving a lame expression. He has been quite all through the game  
  
"Well, well, well.the Commodore finally spoke" said the pirate at the right side of the Commodore, Barbossa.  
  
"Well, excuse me! I didn't even want to join in this inappropriate game in the first place anyway! Ms. Swann asked me to! Well, forced is more likely the word, She was cornering me! Said something like 'If you don't join the game, I'll tell my dad to rape you!' and. " Norrington shut up as soon as he found out he had said too much.  
  
". . ."  
  
"sdflshj, Anyways! Barbossa! You're supposed to be dead! Why are you still here?" Norrington decided to change the subject.  
  
"Glad you ask me boy, well. I stole Frodo's fancy looking underwear that his old uncle, whats his name again? Filbo or something, anyways, yeah, that one he gave him. So, when Jack shot me, the bullet didn't even touch me. BAHAHAHHAHAHA"  
  
"What?! Then what about the blood?" Jack stood up.  
  
"Oh, those were ketchup. I like to take a lot of those little pocket ketchup from McDonald and keep them for future use. I was going to tell you guys but you guys already left. Ten years your carry that pistol and now you wasted your shot, Jack."  
  
Elizabeth had had it, she was getting tired of this conversation, and she slammed the table. "Ok, ok, who cares? Let's get on with the game! Or I won't even get to strip at all!" She seat back down.  
  
"Fine, fine, It's your turn to start, Norrie" Jack looked toward Norrington.  
  
"Norrington"  
  
"Fine, Jamesy."  
  
"Commodore Norrington."  
  
"Same thing."  
  
"No its not."  
  
"Who cares."  
  
"I care"  
  
"FOR GOODNESS' SAKE! JACK! JUST CALL HIM BY HIS BLOODY NAME!! AND GET ON WITH THE GAME!!!" screamed Will, Elizabeth, and Barbossa.  
  
Jack rolled his eyes "Cap'n, cap'n Jack."  
  
Norrington sighed and put his first card down.."One.."  
  
Barbossa then put the second card down."Tw-wo."  
  
Then Will puts the third card down carefully and slowly."Thu-ra- eeeeeeeeeee.."  
  
Elizabeth's turn "Four."  
  
Jack's turn "Fu-i-ve.."  
  
Commodore's turn again "Six."  
  
Barbossa's "Se-vin.."  
  
SLAP!!!!!!  
  
"MUWAHHAH!!! BARBOSSA'S TRUN TO STRIP!!!" Laughed Jack LOUDLY. He seems happier then ever, probably wanted to get revenge of wasting his one shot on nothing.  
  
"Fine, I'll take off my belt"  
  
"Why not the hat?" Will asked curiously  
  
"You touch my hat, you die." Was his answer.  
  
Then Blah blah blah, the game went on. Author got lazy, they argued, standing on chairs, flipping over the table, bonking each other on the head with wine bottle. Commdore drew his sword out, Barbossa drew his gun, Will drew his donkey, Elizabeth drew her corset, and Jack drew his boots. So, they were fighting most of the time, insulting each other. There's really nothing wrong with the scene since they don't really go together anyway. But the wrongness was everyone was half naked. Well, 3 of them were ¾ naked. 


	2. Part II

Strip Slap Jack part II: Characters, not mine! Don't sue! No money!!!!  
  
A few people had asked for more, so...I decided to make a Part II! :D Very odd, doesn't require any brain work, just like part I,...so you can just relax and read... har har har Ok, enough of me, here we go! Strip Slap-Jack Part II  
  
********  
  
Norrington was sitting in his office again, being buried by loads of unread documents and thousands of papers to sign.  
  
'My life sucks' he yawned and scratched his head and rubbed his eyes. 'I don't get a word these stuff says....what the heck is '3 loads of 23 and a half dozen of unbaked peacocks?!' how am I suppose to ship that?!"  
  
"Well, you'll manage it some how. Last Saturday, I saw you loading a polar bear onto the Dauntless." said a wavy voice from a corner.  
  
"Well, that was another story, the bear..." Norrington sized up, and twirled around to see whose talking to him.  
  
"YOU!!!" Standing up immediately and knocking over his chair, "You didn't knock!!"  
  
"I did, mate! You were busy singing, luv! You were singing something like 'ding dong ding dong, a navy life for me....' "By doing a little dance, the man walked over to Norrington's desk and pushed the mountain of papers onto the floor.  
  
"Opps," a very naughty smile appeared on the pirate's face, "Sparrow! That's enough! What do you want from me?!" Norrington began to whimper and crossing his arms across his chest.  
  
"Nothing, Willy boy's woman is looking for another game of Strip-slap jack." "Fine! Then go play! It's not like its any of my business!" Norrington was literally crawling around the floor picking up all the mess that the pirate made. "Are you sure Mr. Commodore?" "What you do you mean? Mr. Pirate!" Jack sighed and kneels down, "We're looking for the game mate, in here." and smiled.  
  
Norrington's eyes widen. "In here?! Are you mad?!"  
  
"Prove me not!"  
  
"Well....actually. That's quite hard..."  
  
"Well, there you go!"  
  
"But why MY office?!"  
  
"To tell you the truth mate, this really isn't my idea." Sparrow straightened up, trying to straighten some of the horrible creases from his vest. "It was the woman's idea."  
  
"Elizabeth! I should've known! She's getting so obsessed with the game! I told Mr. Gibbs not to teach her 10 years ago!" also straightening up.  
  
"Well, James. It's too late."  
  
Both Norrington and Jack turned around at the door and faced Elizabeth Swann. At the back, you can see Will and BARBOSSA tottering along.  
  
"We all want another round, James" Elizabeth walked in and made herself comfortable in Norrington's chair.  
  
"dadada-dada, I didn't vote for it" Looking across the ceiling, Jack speaking more to himself than to anyone.  
  
"ARRRRR!!!!!" exploded Barbossa once he reached the door way. "YO HO YO HO YO HO, ARRR WHO LIVES IN THE PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? Lets go for another round me mates! YARHAR HAR HAR HARHAR!"  
  
Everyone narrowed their eyes at him, except for Elizabeth, who gave him a very warm smile. "You see, Captain Barbossa can see the beauty of the game..."  
  
Then it was dead silence for over 5 minutes....  
  
"Okay then, enjoy your game gentlemen." Norrington started to head for the door and tried to escape this living nightmare of his. But he was caught with a female hand on his shoulder. He was only one step from his freedom.  
  
"Well gentlemen, you'll always remember this as the day that Commodore Norrington ALMOST escaped. You're in navy boy"  
  
They all gathered around the office desk in the hot, sweaty summer room of Commodore Norrington. Norrington regretted for wearing so little. He felt very uncomfortable playing strip-slap jack with only a wig, a simple shirt, pants, stockings and a pair of shoes to start with. He looked around. Jack was in his normal everything. Barbossa in his everything too and the hat- yes, the hat, Elizabeth only in her bodice (well, of course, she did that on purpose.) and young Mr. Turner in his normal, but for a reason he has a hat on; which didn't match any of the cloths he's wearing today.  
  
"Ok, lets start with our lovely Captain" said Elizabeth in her sweetest of the sweet sweet voice.  
  
"Aye," Jack began to say "Ouu-waa" but then was cut off.  
  
"What are you doing Jack?!" The woman stood up and stopped the sexy ohmygoshy holly WOW pirate.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said the lovely captain! What do you think you're doing?"  
  
"HUH?!"  
  
Elizabeth sighed. "Ok, Captain Barbossa, please start." Jack glared at Elizabeth and made a pout face for the rest of the game.  
  
"HAHAHHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HAHHAHAHAHA O-N-E!!!!!!!!" Barbossa had banged the first card on the table so hard that some of the drawers from the desk opened.  
  
"BANANAS!!!!!" Will scrambled away from the desk immediately as one of the drawer peaked open. "THERES AT LEAST A DOZEN OF THEM!!! BANANAS!!!!!" Will was white to the face. "WhY ARE THERE SO MANY BANANAS IN THE DRAWER?!!??!?!" Will looked as if his eye balls' going to pop if any of people doesn't give him an answer. Norrington kicked the drawer close and stared at Will, who began to calm down with the yellow stuff gone. Norrington cleared his throat and opened his mouth "....Whoes next?"  
  
"Jack is" Elizabeth continued as if nothing had happened. Jack glared at Elizabeth but just went with it, "Tw-o"  
  
Then its Elizabeth's turn "Tu-ree,"  
  
Will's "four..."  
  
Norrie's "five"  
  
Barbossa's "HHHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHHHAHAHAHA SEX!!!" Every body stared at Barbossa but Elizabeth explained "He means 'six'"  
  
Then it was Jack's turn again "seven..."  
  
"E-i-gghhhhtttt...."  
  
WAMP!!!  
  
Within a second, all 5 hands were on it. Everybody stared at the stack of hands on that on little eight of diamond. "Will my boy, Will Will Will....you didn't improve one bit luv!" Jack chuckled, showing his glimmering gold teeth. "Take them off!"  
  
Will had no choice and took of his ugly looking hat and threw it to the side. Then kind of stretched in a way and grinned "Its all over Jack, I'm warmed up." Jack grinned and scratched his head but said nothing. Will then puts down a card "Ouwa-n"  
  
SLAP!!!!!!  
  
"AUGH!!!!!" cried Will when he noticed all of the hands are on top before he even realized it. "IT'S NOT FAIR!!" "NAHAHAHAHHAAHHHAHAHA!!!!!!!" Jack stood up and pointed at Will "I GUESS YOU'RE STILL NOT WARM ENOUGH!!!!!!! HAHHHAHAHAHAHA"  
  
"HHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHHAHAH AAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA HAHHA------------"Barbossa's magnificent laughter roared through the whole room.  
  
Jack shoved his chair and sat closer to Elizabeth "What got into him?" Elizabeth leaned closer and whispered, "remember last game? We were fighting at the end right?" "Aye" "And Will was around...three forth naked?" "Aye" "Will got embarrassed and started wacking people, and Barbossa was there with his hat on....and it just, fell off."  
  
"His hat fell off" Jack echoed.  
  
"His hat fell off....that's what happened."  
  
Jack clapped his hands together and raised one eyebrow, "That's very interesting..." and looked toward Barboossa.  
  
*****************  
  
Lireal-Black: lol...I guess that's a compliment? Thank you! Lol  
  
lilith03: Thank you SO much! It was suppose to be a random one shot! Hahaha, stripping Barbossa...maybe I'll have more detail on it soon? *looks around*  
  
The future Mrs Ja rule : Hahahaha, it was a one shot, but heres a part II! I hope you can enjoy this one too =) Thank you so much! V Sorry to keep you waiting for so long!!  
  
Dron Measley: Fanks =D  
  
Alexandria Peterson : Sorry to keep you waiting! Heres a Part II!!~!!  
  
Thank you so much you guys! Love you all! 


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